My Way 14: England

Time travel is possible... This happened before Lativa and all that, but I couldn't be arsed writing it up and posting it untill I had some free time earlier this week. Enjoy.

[Personal note to the J: sorry man, I'm just sorry. It happened, I lost sense of what to do there for a while, but this is the way it went and honesty is forward, forward is the future and may it never go quite like this again.

A strange sense of homecoming, to a place Ive never been. It feels similar, it looks close enough. The language is the same and they drive on the same side of the road. But an air of confusion, too, not merely fuelled by the heatwave that was crushing the fragile locals. London, once the crown of the Empire, distant light from the far corners of the Commonwealth. Probably all the colonials coming home feel the same. Its similar and familiar, yet a different world. How they made half the world map pink is hard to grasp now, especially when most of them seem to be either sunbathing in Hyde park, off their faces on something or clearly not Anglo-Saxon. Times have changed, but this was still the bitch that spawned my homeland. Or at least, made it what it is today. Complex, the relationship can become.

I arrived at the thoroughly shitty hour of about five am. The border crossing at Dover at two am had been fucked up. We all had to get off the bus and into the customs building, even the British passport holders, and questioned about this and that, before some Limey cunt grudgingly stamped our passports. He didnt even do it right because you cant even read it, screw you. Im Australian and you should be nice to me.

I called John when I got to Victoria station. He told me which tube station to go to and I figured my way there. Sleep is an impossibility on those overnight busses, so a happy state of delirium is where I was. John met me at Kilburn Park and we went to his place. He lives in a share house in the Ghetto, although which Ghetto it is meant to be escaped me. He looked almost as bad as I felt but we both covered it nicely. I think I had a sleep after that. Or took advantage of his internet connection. Or something, it was not my best time.

I stayed at his place the rest of the week, sleeping on his floor (without mattress or anything, dirty laundry bag for pillow) and when he wasnt there, sleeping in his bed. Sometimes I slept there when we was still in it, but thats what friends are for.

The brutal truth about London is, even when I didnt have to pay for accommodation, just eating, getting around and sightseeing was too taxing on my finances. Its worse than you hear, London. I did my best but each day was like a kick in the groin. And it was between thirty-five and forty every day. Add to this the fact that almost nowhere has such a modern convenience like air conditioning the two weeks a year its worth using dont justify the cost of getting it installed. Only the most swanky of establishments and shops will cool you down. Not even busses or trains will help you out, Im telling you man, it was hot. The locals are generally of the constitution that makes them feel faint if the mercury breaks twenty. This was an unpleasant but often hilarious backdrop to my tightarse stay in the capital of England. What a bitch.

My first sights were seen with the ever-present John. Omnipotent, we shall call his greatness. He took me on the bus to Oxford Circus and when I complained that it was a shitty circus, he patiently explained that it was called that because it was round. Circle, circus same root. Circuses the ones with clowns and tigers and such were named for the same reason. A lifelong mystery had been solved. We walked to the Thames river past a bunch of statues and monuments. So amazing they were that neither of us really knew who or what they were for. Hyde Park has become a brown patch of dead grass, but the natives were out in force, soaking up the solar power. Down by the river, past Westminster Abbey (a truly fine building) we gawked at the London Eye (fucking horrible eyesore) and walked over a few bridges. The preliminary sights out of the way, I think we went back to his place, because he might have had to go to work. I likely slept.

The week, up to Friday, saw me do mostly things that cost as little as possible and yet I still went through a bunch of money. Fuck all that, was it worth it? But England is undeniable, it was always a necessary part of my trip. Obsessed about money I really was, but its a defence mechanism. I saw the streets, rode the tube, went to the free galleries. It was good fun and they speak my language. It was on Thursday that I went with John to the Globe Theatre to see Antony and Cleopatra and for five quid, standing tickets are an absolute bargain. If its scorchingly hot, I advise maybe taking some water. It was something of an ordeal, but the play was world class.

I kind of fast forwarded through to the weekend. Because the weekend was totally massive. I planned it that way it made it work out. This is honesty and Im not exactly proud of what I did, but I had a lot of fun and learned some big lessons. About myself and life, about the world and how it all works. Believe me, I learned the hard way, but I still learned.

I had planned to go large in London from the start, from the very start, so I got some advice about where to go from DJ Ollie, long time beat merchant from those parts, and some advice about where to get myself sorted out. I took his advice. I wont name names and I cant remember exactly where the club was. I had a little sleep on Friday, went by the soul crushing factory where John serves up three pound pints to drunk Poms to give him the keys, then took the tube into the city.

I found the place after a few wrong turns and got in without a hitch. No of that not in those shoes, buddy crap. There was a short, perfunctory search (pretty sure they were just checking I didnt have a dealing-worthy amount of anything) and I was in. It was about eleven thirty and it was not crowded at all. It wouldnt get busy until about two thirty, after which it would be really busy until I left at about four. In between I noticed the club was dichotomised perfectly depending on your substance of choice. The less informed of observers might think that it was divided along musical lines, but this is only part of the story. The entrance is right in the middle, stairs coming down into the club. Next to that is the toilets, which are almost devoid of mirrors and staffed by one big black guy. Big and black are probably the prerequisites only because they instil a sense of discipline hes not there to be anything but friendly, but if something happened, well you wouldnt want to be on the wrong end of it. He means safety, politeness. There is a water fountain just outside of the toilets, where the security guy can see but does not need to go. There is the bar, left of the middle, behind which is the brighter of the two rooms. Here is more spaced out, easy going, chilled even, area. I cant identify the kind of music being played in there but the space is essentially for coke heads. Everyone has that dead-ahead stare, most people have sunglasses on, and the dancing is minimal. There is no strobe going here.

Downstairs again is the dark, pulsating, frenetic space for the pill monsters. Strobes, lasers, all the toys needed to feed a generation of e-heads and space junkies. This is the warm, sweaty space for those who want to feel the love and let go, be loved back and just fade out of the world for the night. They dont need to interact with the cocaine driven crowd upstairs because that would be a total bring down. The cocaine crowd dont need to be hassled by jittery kids or messed about by too many strobes. It is a balance, perfectly figured out and engineered. This is a purpose designed space, make no mistake. They really do things right in London.

I had been given the advice of look for the slightly shifty guy in the corner, so I kept my eyes out. I had never actually procured for myself before, would I be able to go through with this illegal activity? All the years of propaganda to the contrary, the inherent dangers But I did it. Not quite thinking the transaction would be the way it was, I gave the guy a twenty and half expected change. Silly of me. Instead, I got four little pink things. My first reaction was, these are small. Maybe they arent as good? But I was over the moon, I was set not just for tonight but the weekend. It was going to be fun.

It was. I did two that night and they did exactly what they were supposed to. Ill refrain from overly-long descriptions of the effects, because it makes one sound like a bad hippie and pisses of the J no end. It happened, mate, but hang in there. This is a rollercoaster.

I met people, they disappeared, came, went they talked, danced, tickled me, all sorts of crazy stuff. Looking back, I missed some obvious stuff, but I was not on the pull as the locals put it. I was too far gone for that anyway. My own name was too far beyond the horizon when it all came together. Some bloke, who sounded local but claimed to be from Noosa, asked where I got my stuff but the dealer was gone. So I sold him one of mine for ten pounds, further increasing my list of illegal activities for the day (I think I jaywalked on the way there too) and introducing me to the real-life applications and dynamics of a buy low sell high economy. Made the night out a whole lot cheaper, too.

But I was gone, truly and totally gone. I was shaking and twitching, dancing and running around and all the usual. Good fun, but the second one might have been taking things a little too far. I did wonder what that was like, you know. Now I do. I went home after coming down and split a taxi with some people Id just met and would never see again.

I arrived back just as John was leaving. So I showered and got the bed all to myself. I slept, through some miracle, and felt not so bad after waking up and eating. I had Saturday night ahead of me, one pill left and a plan in mind. I had to meet a friend on Sunday morning, an acquaintance from Japan who just happened to be in England at the same time as me. Awesome coincidence, but it meant I might have to end things early and come home during the night so I might actually be functional.

It never happened. I dropped the keys at the soul crushing factory, dodged the drunks and hit the tube. It was, of course, messed up for some reason (repairs or something) so I had to take the long way and walk a few blocks to get to the club. I made it with no hassles in the end, but what a London experience. Goddamn tube. This club was a lot bigger, something like five rooms depending on your mood. I got there about eleven and planned to take what I had, wait till it wore off and go home. Do you really think I managed to do that? Nah. Who can stop the party at two am and leave, especially when re-fuelling is so easy? The first look around, when I got there, revealed no-one dodgy looking. Not many people there either. Oh well, it is early and these guys dont show up until things are really going. So I dropped and got started.

It didnt work. Combination of fatigue and the night before, I know for sure. The bad feeling in the place, maybe. Who knows how these things affect the experience. I know a little better now, but dont wish to have the real skinny on it at all. But I took one and felt nearly nothing only after finding a Turkish girl and dancing with her for a while did I feel anything. Despair took over and this is the ultimate killer when she left. Just as this happens, a guy asks me if I want to buy any. I am forced into a dilemma. I think, what the hell Im only here for the weekend. I have a ten pound note. Suddenly, I have two more. Just after that, I meet two Australian girls and we stay together all night. I have friends, Im up and going, the club is filling and the atmosphere improves. How much fun it is, I cant convey. Its another world out there. Fake, real, what is what all meshes together for this party. My philosophy on all this is simple. Part of life, but not your whole life. I lost control for one weekend because I didnt know what I was doing.

I felt down and the guy came round just in time The girls I was with were too scared to buy for themselves, so they sent me. In the end the guy gave me freebies, because I was such a good customer and he was likely off his head. I did six more that night, making it eight for the weekend. I danced until I felt like I was dying at eight in the morning. I was done for, wrecked, smashed against the walls. I was seeing shit and messed so hard I felt like I might never come good again. It was fun and it was horrible. Horror and joy, sorrow and insanity Ill sound like a bad hippy soon.

Maybe a more measured pace would have been better. A bit more control. But its not there anymore, London is so far away it hurts to think and I cant make such a party happen anywhere else. So its over. But my weekend wasnt.

I got home just in time to shower, change and leave again to meet my friend. My ears were ringing so badly I could barely hear a thing. It made the days conversation hard. All we did was get some food, walk around Londons tourist sights again, then I saw her off at Victoria station. I had a good day, staying with it in spite of myself. I knew from experience that it was not the Sunday that killed you. It was Monday. I havent had one this bad ever before.

I was supposed to get up at four, get to the airport and fly to Glasgow. I had bought a cheap ticket and chose Glasgow because Edinburgh was too expensive. Festival season, you see. But I didnt make it up, I missed that goddamn aeroplane and fuck me, it was the start of a very bad day. The flight had been cheap enough, but with taxes and all the rest had been expensive enough. And once it was gone, it was too late to change it or get any kind of refund. Nope, that money was gone. Id paid the price for the weekend already. This did nothing to improve my mood. I panicked and had a small anxiety attack. The price we pay, indeed. I had a return flight booked and paid for, and a hostel. Shit, it was all falling apart My carefully laid plan. In the end, between fits of panic and crapping myself, I e-mailed the hostel and changed the booking to the next day and bought a bus ticket there. I was going there, goddamit, no matter what. This settled, I felt better but the lost time and money stung badly.

It was a shitty day. The come-down had started. It was to last the best part of a week. The longest and worst of all time. John had no sympathy for my plight. I deserved none.


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